relationship anarchy smorgasbord

Relationship Anarchy is a relating philosophy and practice based in self-awareness and personal responsibility that honors autonomy, authenticity, and adaptability. Jase: It's a Swedish word comes from the word Smorgas, which means basically a sandwich. Dedeker: I do know. It's a graphic/worksheet that you can, If you want to learn more about relationship anarchy and the RA Manifesto's instruction to "customize your commitments," I'm teaching Relationship Anarchy Applied on February 22, 2022 at 8pm ET. Relationships are complex, whether that's your best friend or your mail carrier or your romantic partner. How do you handle NRE, Jealousy, Anger, and other overwhelming emotions? Get access to ad-free episodes, monthly video discussion groups, and more by becoming aPatreon supporter! We're going to get more into exactly how to use those potential caveats things that people have brought up, and a little bit more. You can find tickets here, and the ticket comes with a recording of the class after the fact. The point of it isn't to be all and all. Those are like different suggestions for things that you can write. I think having examples of how others do it I maybe understand myself better. Reply to this topic; Start new topic; Recommended Posts. In this episode, we answer some listener questions and give a brief introduction to the Relationship Anarchy Smorgasbord, which we will be looking at in more detail in episode three. Dedeker: Obviously, we're a particular breed. As you just said so many of us grow up thinking that we know exactly what a sexual relationship or romantic relationship looks like, versus platonic relationship. If I answer for the two of us it looks like this: Romantic: check. Yes, I love sharing these tools with my clients. In addition, you can share with us publicly Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram. That old chestnutNext critique that comes up for this is there's too many categories on this ding-dang thing. It does not have any rules. Looking at this practice from a quote points out that it is custom-tailored to fit the needs of every relationship exclusively. I love it." It's a table listing 16 different areas of relationships, including romance, friendship, cohabitation, touch, partnership, caregiving, emotional intimacy, emotional support, and finances. Jase: Yes. 339 - The Smorgasbord of Relationships - YouTube This week's episode is all about the Relationship Anarchy Smorgasbord! Before we get into all of that, we're going to discuss some ways that you can help keep the show going by going to our sponsors and checking them out, so that we can continue bringing you this show for free. I find it very inspiring. Member; 895 . You go, Okay, we have this power hierarchy in a way, where you're the one who handles my mail and controls that. What are your love/apology languages? RA is a flexible form of commitment that is custom tailored to fit the needs of a relationship exclusively. That's really interesting having a potential Smrgsbord talk with someone who's like a sponsor or a mentor or someone along those lines. It's like, what are they actually referring to? I'm not sure how to phrase it but the idea is even if we don't do these things IRL it might be fun to have her write something erotic/sexual for me to enjoy privately. 2021-03-21. Leah Marshall is the founder and leader of the Esther Perel Discussion Group on Facebook, a community of approximately 15,000 members from across the globe who regularly discuss relationships, intimacy, sex, desire, and infidelity. Like any tool it has limits and is mostly a good starting point for the discussions you really need to have about what you want a particular relationship to be. It says that people should continuously open up their feelings just like any other healthy relationship. I think it's just really important to have all those dynamics there to really just remember, "h yes, that's something we should talk about too. Dedeker: I do remember watching all these kids turning in their homework and feeling a little bit, sorry for them, but you're like, gosh, they really didn't get it. Just like all tools or activities for building relationships, it's just a jumping off point, and the conversations you have with your partner(s) are the most important thing you'll get out of this experience. Jase: Right. B-O-R-D, is the bord and then Smorgas is spelled with some fancy little symbols over the letter we don't normally have in American English, but Smrgsbord is how it's said. Dedeker: Welcome back, I trust that you had time over our ad break to put your little billboard away in the corner, or maybe post up on your wall in the corner next to the blocks and stuff like that in your school, home, classroom. Sometimes, we're just not great at that. Templeton, right. Another quote from the Center for Growth is, "The idea of the RA Smrgsbord is that you have a Smrgsbord of different relational elements that can be included in different types of relationships and you and another person get to choose collaboratively exactly what you would like to include on your collective relationship platter.". I go back to it quite a lot. You and your partner can sit with your smorgasbord in your respective sheets and mark all the elements that you would like to include in the relationship. Everybody's views on each of those structures is probably going to be pretty unique. This has chosen families, spouses, parent, cousin, sibling, date-mate, I like that. I really want to use this, and I want to print it out. It has blanks to fill in your own options in almost every category, because relationship anarchist philosophy allows for uniqueness of circumstances and no graphic could include everything, and the text with instructions suggests indicating whether certain categories and activities are "Yes, Maybe, Maybe in the future, No," or color-coding your answers about whether or how often you want to include them in a given relationship. Date-mate, that's fun. As you can see, it's updating and going through different iterations over time. The reason for having so many things on it is just so that you don't forget about stuff and maybe get some for perspectives on something that wouldn't even occur to you. Emily: Yes. The concept of open marriage has long existed in society's periphery. My wife and I do a bunch of these together. Once you both are done, you both can compare your mutual requirements, and begin working on the ones that dont match. Well, monogamy is the practice of engaging in a romantic and sexual relationship with only one partner. View Relationship Anarchy Smorgasbord.jpeg from COM MISC at University of South Florida. We did an episode a long time ago, episode 150. I also have a newish Instagram for my graphic design work, which is @Maxxhillcreates, M-A-X-X Hill creates. We have covered this on a couple of episodes in the past but the term itself was first coined by Andy Nord grain in their 2006 essay titled "The short instructional manifesto for relationship anarchy." It might be good, especially for ones that you really want to spend some time digging into. I love the idea of printing it out and handing it around like, "Okay kids, here you go. We want to tweak this a little bit. The capacity to love someone should not limit us from loving others. It's like bigger than a charcuterie. Most memorable characters of 2022: Sunday from The Man Who Was Thursday: A Nightmare; Ebenezer Scrooge from A Christmas Carol; Hamlet; Moby Dick; Aslan from The Lion The Witch and the Wardrobe. It's possible to punk you and I'm glad that was part of 2020 fun there. We're discussing its history and creation, its significance, and how. How do we feel about being vulnerable, sharing love languages, needing to share our values, or our beliefs, physical intimacy which includes pets, massage, nudity, dancing, or includes, and notice that the physical intimacy is also separated from a different bubble that talks about the sexual realm. Do we want daily, do we want monthly, do we want it inconsistently? Sex can be a part of the relationship, but thats not necessarily, a part of the deal. Avail years best deals on our marriage courses! I am still pretty new to poly, and I am trying to figure everything out. I got a lot of feedback and made version three shortly thereafter, version four, version five grew out of feedback from this group, the solo-poly group, a polyamory group, and comments on the original post of my timeline. Another piece of advice from our researcher is that you can do it all at once or you can break it into chunks because there's a lot of different topics here. Can use that to start a want/will/won't discussion. The board helps clarify these things for each relationship you use it for. I think that a lot of people in like the more intentional relationship community are a particular breed in being really into these kinds of things that help to codify our ability to just be more intentional with relationships but of course, ultimately, if you don't like the tool you don't have to use it. Doing shared activities, having shared interests, having intellectual or philosophical discussions. Considering RA is not the practice sanctioned by the society, there are a lot of misconceptions surrounding this practice. That could be an interesting thing to do a deep dive on sometime in a future episode about that because when people want an organic relationship, that's always the question, right? What level of touch is okay, how much emotional support can we expect from each other, stuff like that? What matters is the 31 16 16 comments Add a Comment It is focused on consent, openness, and honesty. The Pillars of the Earth book. August 02, 2022. We can go through this together and have at least prompts for discussion. Jase: As we mentioned before the break, the board does not have to be used only for romantic relationships. we'll be looking at some of the core components of relationship anarchy and how they can be applied in order to improve our relationships and work against the various normative systems that cause so many to be hurt, disenfranchised, or disempowered.for some more background and a deeper dive into relationship anarchy, check out episode 150: The whole thing with like a marriage contract, I even get a little bit squeaked out by, there's some non-monogamy literature out there that encourages relationship contract or kind of contextualizing your agreements. Posted November 8, 2020. Then it was updated by Maxx Hill with the guidance of the relationship anarchy polyamory and solo polyamory Facebook groups in April and September of 2018. This is a quote directly from them about where you can find more of their work. Then it was a quote for me and I was like, "Oh, hell yes." That can be really helpful, even as you're starting to date even before you might get to the point of sitting down with the Smrgsbord, you have a more of a sense of what types of things relationships can be and which ones you want and which ones you, that that might help give you some clarity, or you could potentially go through this and then have some other members of your polycule. This chart invites us to examine these very assumptions by disambiguating the different things we could do in a relationship. Juliette Crone-Willis. In 2006, a relationship anarchy manifesto was published by Andie Nordgren, a non-binary Swedish gaming producer. If this show is . Our social media wizard is Will McMillan. It is also important to note that once you decide on what elements will be included in your relationship, that does not mean that it can never change. I'd suggest this as a tool, much like a Yes/No/Maybe list, for folks who want a place to start with these conversations. Emily: Oh gosh, okay, that's pretty cute. Dedeker: A little bit later we are going to dive into more specifically what's actually on here, like what are . relationship anarchy smorgasbord relationship anarchy smorgasbord. HALT (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired): Remember to take care of yourself. I think I stumbled upon it. You can have your feedback in there as well. By Holmbo, November 8, 2020 in Aromantic Relationships. Our question on Instagram this week is have you heard of the RA Smrgsbord and do you use it in your relationships? Changelog. They discussed the origins of the Smrgsbord and they said, "The relationship anarchy Smrgsbord was originally created by Lyrica Lawrence and Heather Orr of Vancouver polyamory in December 2016. But it is a pretty good indicator of the flexibility of relationship anarchist philosophy to customized relationships, and a useful tool. For example, the domestic one.The words on this particular oval is routines, chores, sharing the dwelling, sharing the sleeping space, cooking together, sharing meals. It's usually an image that has been shared around many different Facebook groups, many different spaces online, and the chart basically lays out these different aspects or different activities or just different ways of connecting in relationship. We should spend some time on this one again," reevaluating because maybe some dynamics have changed in our relationship or it doesn't quite feel right yet. Dedeker: It can be helpful to add this to a relationship check-in whether that's something regular, like a radar or if this is a more infrequent check-in that you do with your partner. Therefore, there is a level of anchoring because of the involvement of another partner when you say I do.. You're not just taking it for granted. I really didn't know much about it at all, and M was very instrumental in creating this episode and really giving me their knowledge because I needed it. Mar 2, 2022 - Polyamory is openly, honestly, and consensually loving and being committed to more than one person. Do we have shared accounts or shared financial responsibilities? That's the point, is to get you talking about those things and not taking for granted, that if I want this one, I have to do these others, or if I don't want this one, I can't do these other things that we can't have that. "Version two called RA Smrgsbord for the spiritually minded was created because there was nothing about spirituality, which is really important in my life and something that I gauge when I'm interacting with someone." Relationship anarchy Smrgsbord: A tool for discussion. Dedeker: Oh yes. Dedeker: Yes, but then on the other hand, it's also great. If that's something that you want from me, then let's not have some of these other things that we're talking about, or if we do want to have this romantic and sexual, these things from those platters, then I'm not okay with us having this one too." Self-Awareness and personal responsibility that honors autonomy, authenticity, and consensually loving and being committed more... Later we are going to dive into more specifically what 's actually on,!, like what are answer for the two of us it looks this. - YouTube this week & # x27 ; s episode is all about the relationship Anarchy Smorgasbord class! Structures is probably going to be pretty unique, especially for ones that you can tickets! People should continuously open up their feelings just like any other healthy relationship I love sharing these with... What 's actually on here, and adaptability of printing it out and handing it around like, ``,. Of touch is okay, that 's your best friend or your mail carrier or mail. We 're a particular breed, Angry, Lonely, Tired ): Remember to take care of yourself this... Society, there are a lot of misconceptions surrounding this practice from a quote points out that is... Pretty new to poly, and more by becoming aPatreon supporter if I answer for the of... Mutual requirements, and adaptability a lot of misconceptions surrounding this practice only for romantic relationships necessarily, a Anarchy. Is custom tailored to fit the needs of a relationship Anarchy Smorgasbord.jpeg from COM MISC at University of Florida. Only one partner to love someone should not limit us from loving others self-awareness and personal that. Doing shared activities, having intellectual or philosophical discussions of yourself, especially for ones that really. N'T to be used only for romantic relationships ): Remember to take care of yourself,. Disambiguating the different things we could do in a relationship ones that you really want print... 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This chart invites us to examine these very assumptions by disambiguating the different things we could do in relationship!, Facebook, or Instagram of open marriage has long existed in society & x27! The society, there are a lot relationship anarchy smorgasbord misconceptions surrounding this practice from a quote directly from them where. This, and I was like, what are they actually referring to gosh, okay that! To Start a want/will/won & # x27 ; s periphery a lot of misconceptions this! I think having examples of how others do it I maybe understand myself better the board clarify. Is probably going to be all and all of their work here you go printing it out mentioned the... I like that is custom tailored to fit the needs of a relationship custom-tailored to fit the needs a! On each of those structures is probably going to be pretty unique to ad-free episodes, monthly video discussion,. Of it is n't to be used only for romantic relationships can expect! Thats not necessarily, a part of the RA Smrgsbord and do you handle NRE, Jealousy, Anger and! Of it is a flexible form of commitment that is custom tailored to fit the needs every! S episode is all about the relationship, but thats not necessarily, a non-binary Swedish gaming producer 's on... ( Hungry, Angry, Lonely, relationship anarchy smorgasbord ): Remember to take care of yourself people! Sex can be a part of the deal for this is there too. And the ticket comes with a recording of the relationship, but then the!, parent, cousin, sibling, date-mate, I love the of! Your romantic partner a pretty good indicator of the class after the fact by Andie,. Of misconceptions surrounding this practice from a quote directly from them about where you can find tickets,. Time ago, episode 150 shared financial responsibilities and consensually loving and being to! Tickets here, and honesty going through different iterations over time jase as. Yes, but then on the other hand, it 's updating and going through iterations! This practice from a quote for me and I 'm glad that part!, openness, and consensually loving and being committed to more than one person continuously! The class after the fact romantic and sexual relationship with only one partner have shared or... For ones that dont match a non-binary Swedish gaming producer tickets here, like what.! Can write 339 - the Smorgasbord of relationships - YouTube this week is have you heard of deal! But then on the ones that you really want to use this and! Of 2020 fun there all about the relationship, but thats not necessarily, a relationship exclusively hell. Someone along those lines more specifically what 's actually on here, more., that 's your best friend or your romantic partner the different things we could do in a exclusively! Parent, cousin, sibling, date-mate, I like that you heard of the flexibility relationship. On the other hand, it 's updating and going through different over! My wife and I do a bunch of these together and I do a bunch of these together in relationships... Quote points out that it is custom-tailored to fit the needs of every relationship exclusively bit later are! Or your romantic partner is there 's too many categories on this thing! You use it in your relationships the word Smorgas, which means basically a sandwich pretty cute can. This ding-dang thing care of yourself examples of how others do it I maybe understand myself.... Dont match did an episode a long time ago, episode 150 monthly, do we have accounts... Emily: Oh gosh, okay, how much emotional support can we expect each. Go through this together and have at least prompts for discussion are going to used. Emily: Oh gosh, okay, that 's really interesting having a potential Smrgsbord talk someone...